Any suggestions how to comfort my DIL re the long hours the Army Recruiters have to work? It is a well-known fact that recruiters have one of the highest divorce rate. My son loves her and his daughters very much, but doesn't have control over the hours he works. Any suggestions?
No suggestions because I am in the same boat. My hubby works long hours and I feel like he is NEVER home! I have several other military spouse friends and we get together and let the kids play to try and pass time, but I need support from my hubby and our children need their daddy. I am a SAHM and I feel like I am a single parent most of the time. HELP!!!!!
Why don't you talk to your son & tell him to do little things like hide her little notes about i love you & how much longer he will be recruiting I have a donut wheel I used for deployments she could use to count down the days. My hubs is a Drill Sgt long hours but they have more breaks then your son. My hubs texts me lil I love you comments and how strong I am for being along side in his career, leaves things in my car, he sends me flowers. Those little things help out so much just when you dont think you can take it any longer those little things are the things that make you realize hey its just a few years and I know he loves me. As far as her maybe go to get a massage get her hair done. I am not sure on the hours but maybe make a date night no matter how tired. Get her involved in planing something special for him on the long nights. I hope the little bit helps but sounds like she is a bit lonely and just giving her the pick me ups may get her feeling better. I know it did me. Good Luck!
I have been married to an army man for 14 years. We have 27 years of service and he too has worked long hours as a 1SG and even been deployed leaving us behind. The life of a military wife is a hard one. There are many opportunities on the post (FRGs, Wives Clubs) that she can become involved in.
Keep reminding her that she married the man, not his job. Supporting her man, especially in such an awesome job (there is a war going on) as finding young soldiers to support our country, is super important. While it is hard for her to be a full time single parent (as that is how most of us feel at the time), there is a lot going on with him that he is trying not to burden her with. He has quotas to meet, places to be, all in keeping with the true spirit of the nation. The job of a recruiter is a huge success, not all soldiers get the opportunity.
The little notes are a great idea....my husband still leaves me a note every morning to tell me how much he appreciates me as his wife. Other things that he can do to keep her involved is just to sit and chat after the kids have gone to bed. Have him get her more acquainted with the military and she can become a sounding board for him.
Once she becomes accustomed to the life style it will become easier.
I am still new to being an Army Wife. Only 2 years in so far, but I am starting a website soon to help spouses talk through times like this on a regular basis. Right now it is just gift items, but in a few weeks, I will have a forum up so military members can all give advice and communicate on a regular basis. It will be free to join and I will have lots of different groups to join as far as being a recruiter's wife, this may help some of those lonely nights so she can talk to other women in the same boat for more ideas and friendly chats and advice. It is www.armywifecreations.com I am trying to promote it right now because I want this to be a big website for gifts, support, and links to charities and local communities. It should be running at full capacity in about 2-3 weeks so be sure to bookmark it for her :) Hope this helps a little
See if you can find someone she respects and would listen to, (you can't do it yourself because you are her Mother-in-Law and telling it like it is would create friction) to tell her that: 1. She should be glad that she gets to see her husband for whatever hours he is off duty. If he were deployed, she wouldn't see him for 365 days plus! 2. A successful Army marriage, and a successful Army career are not mutually exclusive, both parties have to work together in both areas. She has to be independent and able to handle crisis situations on her own because they can and do occur, usually when the military member is TDY or deployed. 3. Develop her own interests and hobbies, or go back to school and learn employment skills that are in demand and will transfer with each PCS. 4. Be proud of her husband's service to our country and try to develop into an Army wife, (the definition of Army wife is : A woman who can also serve by supporting her husband's career choice.) Marriage to a soldier does not make an Army wife, love for the spouse and children, respect for the Service, personal competence, and concern for others are all part of the package.
I found a web site called www.militarywives.com very helpful when I needed some advice. Check it out and see if it might help you or your daughter-in-law.
I was a recruiter for 14 yrs!!! Yup, loved it that much kept requesting the job. My husband was always supportive-a civilian, can you imagine his feelings of being on the outside?? Most of my assignments he was the only male spouse around. I made it a point to include him in every function possible, sometimes he was my BEST recruiting supporter. I know he saved my butt many times at the end of the month. Hope all is going better now, and hang in there. I recently retired after 26+yrs from my primary MOS of mil.intel.linguist. I still miss talking to the kids about making a positive change in their lives!
I was in the Army for 7 years with 31 months of deployment time. All I can say is that if it had not been for my wife and 2 daughters I would of never survived combat. Its my thought that if they WANT their marriadge to last than it will. Simple as that. I introduced my family to all of my squad / platoon's familys and built a friendship with most of them. When we were deployed we relied on our spouses to support eachother just as much as we relied on our "battle buddies"
Most military bases have women's support groups for such things. The military wives get together, hang out, talk about the long hours etc. Sometimes they have little hosting parties of items they sell outside of EBAY. If she doesn't live on base, she still can make contacts. ( i'm a female and was prior military myself, before I let my "EX" husband talk me into getting out. But there is a whole different side to that story. It was not because of the military.
I have been married to the same military career guy for 15 years now. We divoriced due to the military for two years after ten years of our marriage and re-married for now 5 years. The military life is a hard one believe me you can either handle it or you can't. There really isn't too much advice you can give your daughter to help her through the loneliness. She has to dig deep inside of herself and decided how much she loves your son. She WILL sacrifice a lot for her husband from her own life. My husband has deployeed to bosnia for a yr. , Iraq for 18 mo. , 15mo. and is currently on his third 15mo. tour there. It never gets any easier and Yes you will and do feel like a single parent, but these are the sacrifices we as military spouses make for our loved ones. I applaude you for trying to help your daughter-in-law out that's more than I can say for my in-laws. Just continue to be supportive! She will either get through this with your son or not. There really is no good advice.....Some people can handle it while others choose to leave this type of lifestyle. Good luck and I hope all works out for all of you.
Man good luck.......I was in (4 years Active ! year NG) and I know how unhappy it is of a life style for everybody involved. I hope everything works out for the best.....
I am an Army Veteran and now also a dependent of an E-7 so I can view both sides and although I know the commitment of a soldier it doesn't make the hours of being apart any better, but if the hours together are good ones it does help ease the sadness. Sounds like they need some quality time alone and soon.
NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE BUT AS A VETEREN I HAVE SEEN A LOT OF MARRIAGES FAIL BECAUSE OF ONE OR THE OTHER BEING IN THE MILITARY. BEING ON LONG DEPLOYMENTS OR ALWAYS IN THE FIELD TRAINING MAKES A PERSON LONELY AND THIS MAKES THEM EASY PRAY FOR SOMEBODY LOOKING FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND.
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