Good Morning and Happy New years to all. I am a single mother of three amazing children ages 14,13,12 that happen to have with different form and levels of Autism. In 2008 we moved to a new community and found ourselves alone for a short spell until i found and got involved with our local Autism Society.Going to the meetings and outings is not really giving me the information and support I need for a few different reasons.
One of the biggest reasons it not working for me is because of the negativity from others. I for one am a very outgoing mother, and decided a long time ago i would raise my children to be the same, it has worked for US and I stress us because i know and respect everyone's situation as being different. It's not always easy, but we have learned to laugh, joke and live our way through it. Yes there are many times i have had enough and break down, one most recent break down was at a recent IEP meeting and i could not get it under control and the meeting had to be stopped(lol) all because someone mentioned how my children are always late for school(rotf). However each time i meet a new family from the group, they are always so negative and call out constantly, all the faults and struggles of their child. On outings, the parents are angry and often lash out at others who give stares, or ask questions and the meetings are never progressive because, their are always to many sob stories.Often the guest speakers and such get frustrated as each positive step that is given is cut off by someone being negative.
I'm curious, does anyone else experience this in their local chapters or anything similar in a local support group? If so how do you deal with it and am I jumping the gun or being insensitive to others pain? The though of being insensitive to others is driving me crazy, especially since, i have worked as an advocate with DPAC for a few years and now that we are settled, would lie to continue doing so, but worry now if i should.
Right now all i know is that even in our struggles as a family, I have fallen completely in love with my babies and they are so perfect in my eyes.When the school calls me to come pick my son up from school because he has decided that being under the desk is better than being in one, I cry, then laugh and go. When the cat goes missing and i find him later in the deep freeze i cry, then laugh and go on. However i decided lso maybe i should pull out of the functions, but being we are new it would leave us back at square one. Alone.
I certainly hope this even makes since. I could really use some advise here.
Anna Marie p.s. please not this is not to offend, just my reality as i see it.
I haven't been involved with support groups. However, as far as the negative remarks from members concerning their children . . . . perhaps they're venting because they know the people in the support meetings are the only ones who will understand. Try telling a parent, with typical children, some of your children's antics and they'll look at you as if you have two heads. Whereas, in a roomful of parents who have been there, done that, AND bought the t-shirt, you'll get "yes, I've been down that road, too." Also, in my own personal experience, there's a ton of emotional pain that goes along with this diagnosis. Some parents handle it better than others. Perhaps those in the group will be inspired by the attitude you have and move past the pain. Blessings.
Thank you for responding. Don't get me wrong , even though i may handle things differently(AT TIMES) doesn't mean I'm not in pain.For instance, every time I go around my family and see who vibrant my nieces and nephews are, i have to fight not to cry, because at times i do wish my children danced and sang, like other children may. That's why i feel bad about going to the meetings and feeling this way about all the venting.
Your response was very helpful, needed and I'm very grateful for your input.
Yikes! Kitty is the freezer! That lol but I was really shocked by that.
I'm autistic but never been in a council.. Have you ever read a manga series called With the Light. It is still in print and I recommend it to all people who want to know more about autism.
Based on that book, it should be frustration. Everybody is different and not everything works well. Some people want a magic cure to autism but it doesn't work like that. They may be angry because of it as you say (I think). Another is competition. In the book, Sachiko (the mother) encounters a fellow mother who is saying some things behind her back. The characters believe that the mother was saying this because Hikaru (Sachiko) was going to go to school then her son, who was still in a day-care development program.
By advise, be patient and nice with the parents and listen to them. They are in a rough time of their lives and may not fully understand how their frustration may be perceive by some. Maybe you should talk to a counslor or a doctor, and find out how you should handled since they have the experience to do so. If you still have problems, leave it if you feel like it is making your sons lives worse. There are other places to go to for help.
Being a parent means protecting your PETS. IF you are having living creatures put into a deep freezer and left for who KNOWS how long, perhaps you should not have any pets in your residence.
Pets or any other living creatures are not plush toys for your Family to abuse or even allow to suffer a long and horrible death. i have not heard of torture being an aspect of any kind of Autism, maybe there are other family dynamics going on... Please re-consider your situation in regard to having pets. Perhaps they would be better off somewhere safer.
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