A man walks into a pet store and is looking around when he spots a chimpanzee in cage marked $1000.00. The man looks closer and discovers the chimp is wearing a hat, a tie and is twirling a set of handcuffs around his finger.
Curious, the man summons the storekeeper and asks what the deal is with the $1000.00 monkey.
The storekeeper says,"Sir, you have discovered our Police monkeys. This one is our basic Patrol verison. It is law enforcement trained and has basic certification, it can qualify expert with a glock, a remington 870, and a AR-15. It knows the penal code, the criminal code of procedures, the family code and the traffic code by heart. He is up to date on Cultural Diversity, Active Shooter Response and Crisis Intervention trained. He can jump fences like a deer. He is a very good value at $1000.00
The man is suitably impressed and moves to the next cage, which is occupied by a gorilla...........also wearing the same hat and tie, has handcuffs, but is gnawing on a pen. The price is $5000.00. The man looks at the shopkeeper..........
The shopkeeper exclaims, "Ah! Sir, you have discovered the Sargent model. This one has the advance peace officer certification, is capable of training any other monkey in basic firearms skills, the mechanics of arrest, physcial training, all forms of investigations, small unit tactics and proper operation of all police vehicles. He can even type. An extremely good value for $5000.00!
Impressed the man moves on to the third cage. Inside he finds an organgutan dressed in the same hat, tie, handcuffs, and with a pen as the others, but is a holding a cup of coffee and a box of doughnuts. The cage is marked $10,000.00.
The man asks, "What does this one do that he is worth $10,000.00?"
The shopkeeper clears his throat,..........Ah,.......well,.ah,......sir, .....we've never seen him do anything, but he says he is a Lieutenant.
10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested. 8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar. 7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot. 6. He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop". 5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat. 4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers. 3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids. 2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel. 1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
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