A man ordered four expensive 30-year-old single malts and had the bartender line them up in front of him. Then, without pausing, he downed each one.

"Phew," the barkeep remarked, "you seem to be in a hurry."

The man replied, "You would be too, if you had what I have."

"What do you have?" the bartender sympathetically asked.

The man says, "Fifty cents."

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Another Blonde Joke ...

A blonde decided to take a summer drive and enjoy the scenery in the countryside. As she was driving she happened to notice something in the middle of a wheat field, so she pulled over and got out of her car.

As she stepped closer to the edge of the field her anger began to grow. About 100 feet from where she was standing was another blonde sitting in a row boat trying to row her way out of the field.

The first blonde was so angry she began to shout to the rowing blonde. "Hey! It's dumb blondes like you that give all of us blondes a bad name!"

"IF I COULD SWIM I'D GO OVER THERE AND KICK YOUR BUTT!"

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Saved the Best for Last ...

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a Redneck were doing construction work on a scaffold on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said; "Corned beef and cabbage. If I get Corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and said, "Burritos again?? If I get Burritos one more time I'm going to jump too."

The Redneck opened his lunch and said; "Bologna again. If I get a Bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

Next Day:

The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees Corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.

The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a Burrito and jumps too.

The Redneck opens his lunch, sees the Bologna and jumps to his death also.

At The Funeral The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says: "If I'd have known how really tired he was of Corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again."

The Mexican's wife also weeps and says; "I could have given him Tacos or Enchiladas. I didn't realize he hated Burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the Redneck's wife, and she said, "Hey, don't look at me...that dumb-ass makes his own lunch!

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Have a good day everyone!